I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry from embarrassment today!
After my last visit to the hospital to dilate my stricture, my surgeon gave me some pretty funny advice – in order to keep my anus from slowly closing again, and thus avoid going into hospital again to stretch it out, he recommended that I purchase a little bullet dildo to slip inside everyday just to help keep it’s shape. He said this to me while I was in my post-op daze with my husband standing next to me. I remember sheepishly grinning about the whole thing and looking at my husband, a little embarrassed but also a little bit like “eh, gotta do what I gotta do to keep my pooper (and surgeon) happy”. And that was that. Needless to say, I promptly got my little bullet and keep it in the shower for easy access – slip it in, slip it out, and clean it. It has become my morning shower ritual and as much as it is a little funny to do, it has done wonders to keep the stricture from coming back.
So this morning, my husband goes to work and sends me the following text:
Hubby: I saw your little friend in the shower. You may want to move it with [our friend who is staying with us over the next week] here.
Me: Hahahahaha do you know what my little friend is for? I don’t remember telling you! haha if [friend] has seen it already he’ll just think I’m freaky. But I’ll move it (horrified and embarrassed face Emoji)
Hubby: I don’t think you’ve told me. I just thought you had special showers every once in a while.
And then I started to piss myself laughing!!! I realise at this point that when my surgeon came over to talk to me recently, clearly my husband was not listening at all to what he was saying! Which would explain how surprised he was to find an index finger length dildo hidden underneath my exfoliating gloves in the shower!!
At this point I explained to my husband that I am not having “special showers” and that it is part of my Crohn’s management to keep my pooper in shape. His response:
Haha. I love you. And your pooper.
My husband is the best.